if i look back a year ago. a year before that. even a year before that ??? it???s gotten so much worse. the mental pain is now so physical. my body and brain are a set of fucking disgusting siamese twins and they make me sick. i can???t stand to look at myself. it???s so gross. try try try so hard to be happy ??? to explain my gratitude for all the little things in my life that are actually so big